I’ll warn you right now. The title of this blog post makes more sense than what follows.

In case you haven’t guessed by now, this is the conclusion (fingers crossed) to the nameless blog post from two days ago. And you can choose to read that first post or not. Actually, I doubt anything you do could help make this story make more sense. In fact, I might recommend reading that post backwards and you might actually be better off.

You see, I just wasn’t content to wait until the AZ court house assistant came back from vacation to investigate, and hopefully clear, my outstanding citation from long ago. I called the AZ courthouse this morning to see if anything had been done yet.

1. I call the same number I called Wednesday to one of the district courthouses in Arizona. I give an abbreviated version of my story to the woman who answers. I let her know that this is a follow up call to another call I made earlier. (which is a good thing because it turned out the other woman did NOTHING to help me before running off on vacation)
I answer the usual string of questions.
“What is your name? When is your birthday? What was the citation number? - I’m sorry she says but I don’t have you anywhere in the system.
“I know. I said that that is the problem. I need someone in Arizona to tell someone in California that I do not have an outstanding citation and I can go ahead and renew my license.”
“Can you hold? I’m going to contact the DMV.”
“I can hold but the Arizona DMV actually gave me your phone number to clear this up. They said they had no further information about it. But, by all means, go ahead.”
I wait a few minutes then....
“Sir, I talked to the DMV and I found out that they actually gave you the wrong number. You should be calling the courthouse in Whickenburg. She gives me the number.

2. I call the courthouse in Wickenburg. I tell the same tale again. I answer the same questions. This time there is a man on the line.
“You got this number from the DMV didn’t you?” He asked with the tone of a guy who had said the same thing a hundred times.
“Well, actually I got the number from another district court and...”
“Those DMV guys are always giving out the wrong number.”
“You mean this isn’t the Wickenburg courthouse?”
“The Wickenburg courthouse isn’t the Wickenburg court house anymore! It’s now the Hassayampa courthouse!” and at this point he is just barely able to contain his frustration at repeating this information countless times.”
“You mean you changed your name?”
“No!” He explodes, “ There is no Wickenburg courthouse anymore! It all moved over to the Hassayampa courthouse.”
“I’m sorry if I didn’t already know that,” I shoot back, “ but seeing as that I haven’t even been in Arizona in twenty years, keeping up with your state’s districting changes is not really at the top of my priority list.”
Silence on the line.
Finally I ask,“Will you please just give me the phone number of the Oompa Loompa courthouse?”
He gives me the number.

3. I call that number and again tell my tale to the poor shmuck who answers the phone at the Hassayampa court house.
“Oh my,” she says.”You’re going to need to talk to the records department.” She gives me ANOTHER number.
But now it gets interesting....

4. I call this last number.
I introduce myself as a resident in California who...”
and the woman on the phone says “Hey we were just talking about you.”
“You were talking about California?”
“No, we were talking about you. This is Mr. Everson isn’t it?”
“You know me?”
“Sure, Ann just told me to expect a call from you. She’s only three cubicles away.”
I’m thinking “Three cubicles away? She had me call a different phone number! She didn’t transfer me to this line! Couldn’t she have just tossed you her phone?”
Oh well. I can tell I’m getting close, so I stay civil.
This last woman listens to my entire story.
Then with a casual tone says simply, “I’m going to call the IT department.”
I wait ten minutes or so. Then she gets back on the line.
“Mr. Everson?”
“Yes, yes, I haven’t gone away!”
“We’ve just gone ahead and lifted that citation. Since there is no record of your offense in this courthouse, I told the IT department that there was no reason to put a hold on your license. It should all be cleared up by Monday.”
“You’re joking.”
“Nope. I don’t expect you will have any more problems with renewing your license next Monday.”
“Thank you, I could kiss you!”

5. Sounds too good to be true, yes? Well, we’ll see on Monday, but I actually have the feeling this joke has finally reached the punchline.

6. What punchline? you ask. Well how about this....
Remember the insurance company who refused to give me a policy until I showed proof of a legal license? You know, in some ways, they were the first domino to fall in this whole chain.
Well, yesterday, before anything had even been cleared up, I came home from work and what did I find in my mailbox?
....wait for it.....
An active insurance policy complete with proof of insurance cards for my vehicle.



And here is a little bonus. I searched for Hassayampa on Google Maps. It took me to the main intersection of beautiful downtown Hassayampa. Here is what I saw there...
If you go to Google Maps yourself and look around, you will see that the little gas station building is the ONLY building in town. Otherwise nothing but sand in all directions.
Yes, folks THESE are the kinds of streets where Arizona Highway patrolmen keep those jaywalkers in line! Make sure you use those crosswalks!

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