Yesterday I volunteered to join Oliver’s class to a visit to the Lawrence Hall of Science in Berkeley. The focus of the visit was a presentation in the planetarium. The class had recently been studying planets and moons. Long time readers of Depot Dad will know that, among other kinds of nerdery, I am also a hardcore astronomy nerd.

But of all the interesting facts about the universe, there is one that seems universal and permanent: Most grown ups suck at talking to children, especially groups of children. Read More...

Apparently the invisible hand of the Market is reaching for a pretzel.

While grocery shopping tonight I came across this sight...

This floor to ceiling pretzel display took up half of the snack area of the store. And nearby? One brand of vinegar and salt chips, two brands of corn chips and two brands of cheesy puffs. But obviously, I am missing something when it comes to pretzels because when it comes to pretzels, my neighbors obviously want some choices. And what choices! Straight, round, thin, fat. What is so funny about this to me is that they are all PRETZEL flavored! Why are there so damn many different kinds of pretzels? They all essentially taste the same.

I don’t know what invisible market forces have crated this absurd display, but I’ll tell you this: no good can come from it.

You know, in the past two years, I sure have had fun checking off big items from my to do list. For example, in the last two years I have

1. Endured a five month long audit with the I.R.S.,
2. Saw the end of my marriage,
3. Got diagnosed with cancer,
4. Endured extensive cancer treatments, complete with permanent hair loss.
5. Had my car disintegrate around my ears into a pile of spare parts.
6. Had my three best clients close their retainer contracts with me.
7. Persevered through a bureaucratic nightmare worthy of Kafka

And now I just don’t know how to follow it up. So I’ve compiled a list of some possible options, hoping you readers might select a favorite, or suggest one of your own. Which of these should I look into first?

1. Be falsely accused of a crime
2. Have my car stolen
3. Have my home blown up from a gas leak after an earthquake.
4. Regress to an infantile state, complete with fetal position and thumb sucking
5. Permanent impotence
6. Become a Jehovah’s Witness
7. Fall down an elevator shaft
8. Fall in love with a russian mail order bride named Boshka.

I just don’t know how to pick! They all sound terrific! What’s a guy supposed to do?

Of course somewhere between the first list and the second list, I have to squeeze in a second round of cancer surgery, which just happens to be happening tomorrow. So I’ll be out of blog contact for the next few days. I’ll post an update here as soon as I return home.

Just a little more proof that people are, in fact, insane.

property of Lucasfilm Inc.

Remember in the beginning of the first Star Wars movie when Darth Vader picks up a guy and chokes him while interrogating him? Well, it turns out that that character actually has a name: Captain Antillies. AND even though the guy appeared on screen for less than 25 seconds (6 of them laying on the floor dead)...he now has his own overpriced action figure. Yes, I said ACTION figure! What is his action? Getting choked and thrown against the wall?

Well, the beat goes on. I just wanted to document these last remaining items in the ongoing story of Depot Dad vs. the DMV.

When I returned to the DMV, after clearing my Arizona driving record, I was asked to take a written test. This has never happened to me before and I wasn’t prepared for it. But I stood at the testing table and answered as best as I could. I felt pretty confident about all of the questions except one. It asked, “When you are convicted of a DUI, what sentence are you likely to receive? A. $500 fine B. 6 month suspension of license C. 12 month suspension of license.” I thought about it for a minute. “This is a ridiculous question! It has nothing to do with driving competency. It is only testing me on my familiarity with public policy. How in the hell should I know? I made a guess (C.) and turned in my test.

And, of course, this is the one question I got wrong. The woman reviewing the answers said, “Don’t feel bad. You probably aren’t a drinker.”
“Well, no. I’m not. At least when I know I’ll be driving! What a stupid question.” (The correct answer was B. by the way)
“Well, she answered, it is the reason I take a bike to work.”
What? Are you telling me you got a DUI conviction?”
“Yes,” she answered.
“Let me get this straight. I can’t renew a driver’s license because of a twenty year old jaywalking ticket, but the DMV will let someone with an active DUI conviction correct the driving tests.
“Yes.” She said.

I had already mentioned in my last post on this matter that I got my insurance policy paperwork in the mail even before the company knew I had a valid license. Well the laughs kept coming the following day when I received a packet in the mail from the insurance company begging me to come back to them as a customer. Clearly the sales department was not talking to the marketing department. The packet contained all sorts of deals for reduced rates on my policy IF I returned to them. I did not fail to note that I received NONE of these deals when I renewed my policy over the phone the previous week!

So now I sit with an important question....

Should I stir the pot and call the insurance company and ask for these discounts? They are not trivial. And if they refuse (because I have already returned as a customer) I would be sorely tempted to cancel my policy just so I can call up the next day and reissue it with the discounts.

Of course, the ENTIRE story here began when my policy waned and I would be tempting the same fate if I cancelled my policy for 24 hours. What do you think? Aren’t you just as curious as I am to see just how ridiculous this story can get?

I’ll warn you right now. The title of this blog post makes more sense than what follows.

In case you haven’t guessed by now, this is the conclusion (fingers crossed) to the nameless blog post from two days ago. And you can choose to read that first post or not. Actually, I doubt anything you do could help make this story make more sense. In fact, I might recommend reading that post backwards and you might actually be better off.

You see, I just wasn’t content to wait until the AZ court house assistant came back from vacation to investigate, and hopefully clear, my outstanding citation from long ago. I called the AZ courthouse this morning to see if anything had been done yet. Read More...

I don’t really expect anyone to actually read all of this. But if you have a strong constitution and appreciate Catch 22 types of situations, read on.

1. Last July: I get my first ever moving violation for making an illegal right turn from a lane that required all traffic pass straight through the intersection. That’s right! I have had a perfect driving record for my entire life until last July.

2. Several weeks later, I get a bill in the mail for the ticket. $75. I promptly forget about it.

3. A few weeks later I get a notice.
"Oh crap! That's right, I never paid that."
Now that I have missed the payment deadline, I have to go to traffic court and tell the judge why I didn't pay it, and then, um...pay it. $212. Court date is set for Sept 3rd.

Read More...

Okay, I just want to be clear here because I think the comments in the previous post may be addressing a different issue. I'm not complaining about whether there is an "oh" sound in "Oh nine." I'm complaining about the use of Two Thousand instead of saying Twenty.

The year has always been pronounced as two two digit numbers 19(nineteen) 92 (ninety-two) for example.

I want this convention to continue. 20 (twenty) 09 (oh nine)

The use of the phrase "Two thousand and" is what bugs me.

And no, you have not missed my other 4200 hundred peevs. I’m just posting them in the order I think about them. ; )

Okay, its a new year. In fact it is the year 2009. But you probably already knew that.

But I’d like to ask you to do something. Would you please say the new year out loud as you read this? Go ahead. 2009.

Well, if you are like most people you probably said this...

“Two thousand and nine.”

Now unless you are reading over mom or dad’s shoulder, odds are that you were born in the twentieth century. And it is a pretty safe bet to conclude that in those formative years, you got used to saying the year as. “Nineteen ninety-two,” or whatever.

Yes, Nineteen ninety-two. NOT, One thousand nine hundred and ninety-two. I mean, come on, so many syllables in that second choice! Of course we avoid it. Nineteen ninety-two just sounds so much cleaner.

So why do people insist on saying Two thousand and nine? It sounds infinitely better to my ear to say Twenty oh nine. And thankfully, these odd “Oh” years will be over in a few months, and people can start saying the even shorter, Twenty ten. Whew!

And I’ll bet that if you are over one hundred years old, you and your family said Nineteen oh nine. So why haven’t we adopted the same rule in this century? People are just crazy.

Please do Depot Dad a huge favor and see if you can get in the Twenty-something groove. Got it? Good.