Space, the Boring Frontier...
April 30, 2010 08:40 AM Filed in: Complaining
| Fatherhood
Yesterday I volunteered to join Oliver’s class to a
visit to the Lawrence Hall of Science in Berkeley.
The focus of the visit was a presentation in the
planetarium. The class had recently been studying
planets and moons. Long time readers of Depot Dad
will know that, among other kinds of nerdery, I am
also a hardcore
astronomy nerd.
Now of all the interesting facts about the universe, there is one that seems universal and permanent: Most grown ups suck at talking to children, especially groups of children.
I was already groaning to myself as the planetarium presenter spent five minutes of a thirty minute presentation talking about how new the planetarium was, how the seats were all new and comfy. And saying things like, “Well, it’s not completely new, it was opened in October, so while it wasn’t very new, it was in fact, kinda new.” And all of this was said while the kids began to fidget in their seats.
Holy smokes, Dude! I’m about to jump out of my kinda new seat and slap you! Get on with it!
The lights finally went down to the sound of oohs and ahs from the children. The stars came out and everyone, for a moment, was satisfied.
For the next twenty minutes the presenter focused on the phases of the moon. The planetarium sky stayed in a fixed position as the presenter projected a very crappy series of images of the moon in the sky at various phases.
Oh, man! I could hardly stand it! The entire show was only stuff I could see from my own back yard. I mean, are the phases of the moon that important? And how can you hope to teach the concept without pulling out to an overhead shot of the earth, moon, and sun system to show the relative positions as being the cause of the phases?
Anyway, the presenter went on, and frequently slipped into overly technical language and advanced concepts. These sentences were intersperced with overly cute and moronic “children’s content.” For example the presenter said in a cutesy voice,”People used to believe that the growing moon was a cabbage growing and shrinking in the sky. Is the moon really a cabbage growing and shrinking in the sky?” To which the class replied in slow monotone boredom, “Noooooo.”
I had to put my face in my hands. The boy next to me noticed and leaned over to me, ”Are you okay?” he said. To which I replied in mock monotone boredom,”Noooo.”
Again, my inner nerd voice privately shouted at the presenter,” DUDE! These are third graders! If you don’t do something in the next thirty seconds to incite their curiosity and imaginations, I’m going to jump out of my seat and KILL you!”
Finally a student asked the presenter,”I heard that Uranus’ moon Miranda has eleven mile high cliffs, is that true?”
Wow! That question rocked! And clearly showed how much this presenter was out of his league.
It was then that the final insult was given. You see, I had not been in a planetarium in about fifteen years, and I had no idea how advanced planetarium equipment had become. Because to answer the student’s awesome question, the presenter made the screen suddenly jump to life. In real time animation, we were suddenly catapulted into space. We saw the earth dwindle into a small light as we saw Uranus dramatically zoom into view. All of this was beautifully animated on the dome ceiling. I couldn’t believe my eyes. We were now in orbit around Uranus and images of the enormous cliffs of Miranda were projected nearby. Everyone was stunned at the beauty of the graphics. The presentation promptly ended and the children were filed outside.
That is when I had a private heart attack. “HOLY SHIT, DUDE! You had all of this technology available to you? This planetarium has the ability to animate all of the planets and moons to show relative sizes, distances and motions, and we only got to see it for thirty seconds after a very boring “backyard” graphic? YOU SUCK!”
I drove back to work with my blood boiling. Why do grown ups lose the ability to talk to or understand children? If I ran the Hall of Science, I would fire that guy before lunch time.
Later in the day, Oliver came up to me of his own volition and said,”That guy at the planterium knew a lot of stff, but he sure didn’t talk about it very well.”
I love my son.
Now of all the interesting facts about the universe, there is one that seems universal and permanent: Most grown ups suck at talking to children, especially groups of children.
I was already groaning to myself as the planetarium presenter spent five minutes of a thirty minute presentation talking about how new the planetarium was, how the seats were all new and comfy. And saying things like, “Well, it’s not completely new, it was opened in October, so while it wasn’t very new, it was in fact, kinda new.” And all of this was said while the kids began to fidget in their seats.
Holy smokes, Dude! I’m about to jump out of my kinda new seat and slap you! Get on with it!
The lights finally went down to the sound of oohs and ahs from the children. The stars came out and everyone, for a moment, was satisfied.
For the next twenty minutes the presenter focused on the phases of the moon. The planetarium sky stayed in a fixed position as the presenter projected a very crappy series of images of the moon in the sky at various phases.
Oh, man! I could hardly stand it! The entire show was only stuff I could see from my own back yard. I mean, are the phases of the moon that important? And how can you hope to teach the concept without pulling out to an overhead shot of the earth, moon, and sun system to show the relative positions as being the cause of the phases?
Anyway, the presenter went on, and frequently slipped into overly technical language and advanced concepts. These sentences were intersperced with overly cute and moronic “children’s content.” For example the presenter said in a cutesy voice,”People used to believe that the growing moon was a cabbage growing and shrinking in the sky. Is the moon really a cabbage growing and shrinking in the sky?” To which the class replied in slow monotone boredom, “Noooooo.”
I had to put my face in my hands. The boy next to me noticed and leaned over to me, ”Are you okay?” he said. To which I replied in mock monotone boredom,”Noooo.”
Again, my inner nerd voice privately shouted at the presenter,” DUDE! These are third graders! If you don’t do something in the next thirty seconds to incite their curiosity and imaginations, I’m going to jump out of my seat and KILL you!”
Finally a student asked the presenter,”I heard that Uranus’ moon Miranda has eleven mile high cliffs, is that true?”
Wow! That question rocked! And clearly showed how much this presenter was out of his league.
It was then that the final insult was given. You see, I had not been in a planetarium in about fifteen years, and I had no idea how advanced planetarium equipment had become. Because to answer the student’s awesome question, the presenter made the screen suddenly jump to life. In real time animation, we were suddenly catapulted into space. We saw the earth dwindle into a small light as we saw Uranus dramatically zoom into view. All of this was beautifully animated on the dome ceiling. I couldn’t believe my eyes. We were now in orbit around Uranus and images of the enormous cliffs of Miranda were projected nearby. Everyone was stunned at the beauty of the graphics. The presentation promptly ended and the children were filed outside.
That is when I had a private heart attack. “HOLY SHIT, DUDE! You had all of this technology available to you? This planetarium has the ability to animate all of the planets and moons to show relative sizes, distances and motions, and we only got to see it for thirty seconds after a very boring “backyard” graphic? YOU SUCK!”
I drove back to work with my blood boiling. Why do grown ups lose the ability to talk to or understand children? If I ran the Hall of Science, I would fire that guy before lunch time.
Later in the day, Oliver came up to me of his own volition and said,”That guy at the planterium knew a lot of stff, but he sure didn’t talk about it very well.”
I love my son.