In the world of dating, there are red flags; serious issues that require closer inspection, but might be worked through, and then there are single statements that function like those emergency eject buttons that blast jet pilots out of crashing airplanes. Yes, these are all real first date quotes I have encountered.

“What? You haven’t heard of my guru, Babarashiswamimerti?”

“You don’t have any motorcycles?”

“Oh, I didn’t bring any money.”

“Are you going to finish that?” [RE: my dessert]

“I want to be an actress.”

“Steve Jobs is a ass.” (said immediately after I mention that I am an Apple consultant.)

“I feel a real connection with you.”

“You shouldn’t wear shirts like that.”

“I don’t read.”

“Do cats count as friends?”

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