Holey Moley
October 17, 2008 02:15 PM
I went to see my doctor yesterday. He removed the
pork bun bandage from the side of my head. As he was
cutting the stitches, he warned me,”Now prepare
yourself. This is going to be quite a change. There
will be a sizable dent here.”
He lifted the bandage and inspected the area. The good news? The skin graft took 100%. No dead skin at all. The area will heal nicely.
The not so good news is that the area is hardly what I would call a dent. A dent has sloping sides. This hole looks more like an excavation. I have a three inch diameter circle cut from the side of my head. It is about an eighth inch deep and has sheer walls. Across the floor of the crater is raw, pale, pink skin. All of it hairless. It will remain hairless for the rest of my life. The doctor assured me that it would heal dramatically over the next two months. The space under the skin would fill in with tissue and fat to be nearly flush with the rest of my skin surface.
It was quite an adjustment, and to be honest, I was depressed for most of the day. Yes, even Depot Dad, in all of his hilarity, occasionally gets knocked on his ass by his own shortcomings. I know I’ll pull some great jokes out of this situation soon, but for the moment, I’m giving myself permission to be bummed for a bit. It sucks.
When its appearance isn’t quite as graphic as it is today, I’ll post a pic. Mostly in search of advice because I simply have no idea how to wear my hair now. In addition to that, I’m feeling pretty insecure about what effect it will have on first impressions when meeting people in the future. I now have the appearance of a looking like a guy who has just received a lateral lobotomy.
Yes, self pity is a damnable trait, but I promised myself that I would always tell the truth on my blog, good and bad. And I’m not willing to add shame to the mix, so I’m just dumping this out there for all to see. These are my feelings. This is where my head is at. Today I’m feeling pretty crappy.
Okay, now its time for some perspective. The fact of the matter is, I’m alive, and heaven knows there are many people who’ve had cancer diagnoses who can’t say that. I also know that I feel pretty good and that there is an excellent chance that the surgery removed the cancer from my body. The doctors removed twenty-six lymph nodes from my neck. Two of them had cancer. The rest were cancer free. So, yes, I am very grateful for this outcome.
And I know it is ridiculous to wonder about my appearance in light of those facts. I just feel a bit weak in that area today. So I’m calling on my friends. Can you offer some perspective? Is it simply a matter of squashing my ego and moving on? Are there any consolations?
He lifted the bandage and inspected the area. The good news? The skin graft took 100%. No dead skin at all. The area will heal nicely.
The not so good news is that the area is hardly what I would call a dent. A dent has sloping sides. This hole looks more like an excavation. I have a three inch diameter circle cut from the side of my head. It is about an eighth inch deep and has sheer walls. Across the floor of the crater is raw, pale, pink skin. All of it hairless. It will remain hairless for the rest of my life. The doctor assured me that it would heal dramatically over the next two months. The space under the skin would fill in with tissue and fat to be nearly flush with the rest of my skin surface.
It was quite an adjustment, and to be honest, I was depressed for most of the day. Yes, even Depot Dad, in all of his hilarity, occasionally gets knocked on his ass by his own shortcomings. I know I’ll pull some great jokes out of this situation soon, but for the moment, I’m giving myself permission to be bummed for a bit. It sucks.
When its appearance isn’t quite as graphic as it is today, I’ll post a pic. Mostly in search of advice because I simply have no idea how to wear my hair now. In addition to that, I’m feeling pretty insecure about what effect it will have on first impressions when meeting people in the future. I now have the appearance of a looking like a guy who has just received a lateral lobotomy.
Yes, self pity is a damnable trait, but I promised myself that I would always tell the truth on my blog, good and bad. And I’m not willing to add shame to the mix, so I’m just dumping this out there for all to see. These are my feelings. This is where my head is at. Today I’m feeling pretty crappy.
Okay, now its time for some perspective. The fact of the matter is, I’m alive, and heaven knows there are many people who’ve had cancer diagnoses who can’t say that. I also know that I feel pretty good and that there is an excellent chance that the surgery removed the cancer from my body. The doctors removed twenty-six lymph nodes from my neck. Two of them had cancer. The rest were cancer free. So, yes, I am very grateful for this outcome.
And I know it is ridiculous to wonder about my appearance in light of those facts. I just feel a bit weak in that area today. So I’m calling on my friends. Can you offer some perspective? Is it simply a matter of squashing my ego and moving on? Are there any consolations?
. . . . . . . . . .