When he was a young man, one of my personal heroes, the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein, (well, I did say hero after all, not next door neighbor) quickly volunteered himself up to the front lines at the outbreak of World War I. He took one of the most dangerous positions available: manning a spotlight tower, a position that made him an obvious target to enemy guns. He did this, not as any show of bravado or machismo, but because, as he put it, ”facing death square in the face will give me a chance to become a decent human being.”

I often think about this statement. And while I have had the good fortune not to have had to face down anyone who really meant to do me serious hurt (not since high school gym class anyway), I do recognize that the things that I am most proud of in myself are also those things that I achieved only after taking a risk, enduring hardship or making a sacrifice.

I mention all this here because those are things that I see single parents do every day. And so it is no surprise that single parents also tend to be some of the most “decent human beings” I know. And while most single parents do not face bodily death daily, they have had to kill off, so to speak, the visions of themselves they held before they became single parents. This is not necessarily an easy thing to do. Single parents may once have seen themselves enjoying a protracted independent single life, or thriving in wedded bliss, but the move to single parent life, not only denies these notions, it abolishes them completely.

Facing this fact is only the first act of courage in the single parent life. And like most other sacrifices, what you get on the other side more than makes up for what you have lost. After all, those ideas of a possible life are just ideas, a house of cards, that, while seemingly attractive, cannot begin to compare to the real love and joy that exists between a parent and a child. I can say that, for myself, becoming a single parent has certainly allowed me to expand my sense of who I am and what I am capable of. It has given me the opportunity to become more empathetic, sympathetic, generous, loving and, yes, realistic. All traits that I must say, let me be even a little bit more like the people I admire most.

It has also put me in closer contact with others who share those qualities. Need proof? Just visit iheartsingleparents.com to find a thriving and growing community of decent human beings who do not shirk facing fears and enduring hardship every single day.

photo by kingjon