I’ve been meaning to follow up on my first post of Philosophical Musings on Single Parenthood. In the first part, I wondered about the definition of the designation Single Parent. In this part, I want to talk about the second thing I noticed about the mother in the cofeeshop. That thing is competence.

Besides wondering about her single parent status, I couldn’t help but notice how in control that mother was. And it stands in stark contrast to the world I find myself in.

Here is one of my typical days and it will be all too familiar to other single parents:

I pick up the children after work, go to the grocery store, drive home, and put groceries away while preparing dinner. While I’m cooking, I will also be finding something for the children to do. I’ll serve up dinner, clear the table, hang out with the children by playing, reading or watching a movie together, and then get them ready for bed.

After all of that, I might walk into the kitchen for a well earned cup of tea only to find that the kitchen looks like a bomb went off in there. I’ll find dishes in the sink, a few items remianing on the dining table, some leftovers not yet put away. Depending on my energy level, I may dive in to the dishes while simultaneously thinking about the day ahead. I may realize that the children will need clean clothes in the morning. Or remember that I wanted the children to take a bath before they went back to their monther’s in the morning.

I'll start to get overwhelmed with my to do list and stumble towards my bedroom to assess the laundry situation. I'll notice the countless toys strewn across the living room floor. As I carry a load of laundry to the washing machine, I have to pass through my home office. I'll see the stack of bills I have yet to pay, remember the invoices I have yet to submit, and think of all the emails I have not yet returned.

Stuffing the laundry into the washer, I'll realize that I forgot to get detergent at the grocery store. And at this point, I will likely collapse into a fit of defeated despair.

I know for some people the designation of SIngle Parenthood is a badge of honor that needs no explanation or justification. And it is. No doubt about it. Because if anyone can do all of this and stay afloat, they are some sort of superhero in my book. And while the online single parent community may visit the topic of dating and long term partnerships frequently, there also always seems to be the counter cry that,"You don't need anyone else! You're fine just as you are."

While I agree with that sentiment when it is aimed at the person's emotional state, I can't help but wonder if it is practical advice when it comes to just GETTING SHIT DONE! Because I am working my ass off like never before, and you know what? I'm not even treading water. I am going down ladies and gentlemen, and I'm pretty sure I will be gasping my last if something doesn't change.

Do I have a support system of family and friends in the area? No. Do I have a nest egg squirreled away to hire help? No. Can I afford to hire some sort of help right now. HA!

I've been told by those who have come before me that it takes about one year to fully get your single parent sea legs. What I wasn't told was that I'd spend that first year bailing furiously with the water already up to my nose.

I have to ask you other single parents..Are you actually staying afloat or are we all just kidding ourselves. I just don't understand how the single parent population can be growing when it appears, to me at least, that the very designation is the first step on a path of self destruction. Shouldn't our numbers be going down? Obviously I'm missing something and I can't afford to be missing it for another single day.

So I leave it to you. What is the single best piece of advice you can offer your humble blogging author and other readers here that is the best time/energy/money/sanity saver that you have found since becoming a single parent?

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